the burblings of a girl named beth

I have been trying to figure out a way to change some things in my life so that I am living without any regrets. I was inspired by This Blog written my by BFFs older brother.  There is one video that he talks about the epiphany of only having to get through one day... just one day. 

Life can be so challenging sometimes. I mean really really bleh. For me the last few years have had a lot of dips in the wrong(not in my control) direction and sometimes I feel my natural optimism fading.  

I fall back into habits (chubby)  that I have worked hard to break and sink into the feeling sorry for myself rut.  The whole country "going to Hell in a hand basket" doesn't help my already frazzled nerves.  I try to hide that politics makes me need prozac. The whole "if you prepare you shall have no fear" makes me feel ill prepared.  Don't get me started on how I want to put all my kiddos in a bubble so they will never be abused or harmed.  It is probably for the best that I am only an Auntie. 

I realize that I am missing too many great moments by being stressed about what I don't have control over or what may happen in the future.

I watched my little brother #12 mowing my lawn the other day... 

he really is a beautiful, sweet and wonderful boy.  I will miss him being that little boy in such a short time, and yet, a lot of times when he is burping the alphabet, picking scabs or clearing a room with a fart, I forget... really forget that I should be savoring this time that he is so young and innocent.  Savoring his awesome conversation about his sisters' first kiss (hilarious), or his elation with feeding the pet alligator that my parents are babysitting.

I want to remember in the moment that those moments will be gone too quickly and no matter where the world/ country goes, no matter what crappy things are happening that are out of my control, no matter what size of jeans I am bursting out of, these moments are precious.

I know I have so much to be grateful for and I often when I sit, breath deeply and focus on the moment I do forget the stress of what is happening outside my little sphere.  

I want to relish the moments that I get to spend with these kiddos. They are my family/ neighbors/ fellow church members and I am LUCKY for that. 

I never want to be angry or frustrated or short tempered with my family.  Why am I not my best self with them? I love them the most.

So enough of my shortcomings... now you know I have them, on with the gratitude.

I love my green grass! LOVE it. (I don't care it costs a fortune to be that color). 

I love that even though the weather is still at 102 the evenings are delish. 

(#3's #5)

I love love love that my sister #3 and her family are here FOR GOOD, yep that is right. 

I like my hair even if my fat jeans are too tight

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I am so ok with being a dog lady... I love my Petchi petch.

I love that my little sisters #9 and #10 are in college and dating is fun. I love hearing the stories and sharing kissing tales, deciding who the skanky sister is.. (yep me).

I love my ward book club and the after the book club-book club and the after the book club-book club walk to the car where my friends, who read the same kind of mindless young adult fiction romance novels(PG) as I do, whisper the titles of the next thrilling series to each other so the more sophisticated readers don't judge us. 

I love my family. 

I love my job that I have almost been at for 20 years... I don't like how old I am now no matter what. 

I love that my brother #6's wife is going to have a baby soon.

I love that I overheard my little 4 year old niece on the potty talking to me but mostly to herself, being inspired by walking past  my niece/nephew wall, asking, "Why don't you have any kids yet?  Why don't you find a husband?"

I love that I can't remember all the gifts I have given people and compliment them when they wear them   and so complimenting myself unknowingly... ha ha I have good taste.

I love that when I stalked (I am a stalker) my ex-boyfriend's blog (he's married), I am soooo over it! (This is huge).

I love that my kiddos think that I spoil them rotten and they are each my favorite... and seriously whomever I am with is my favorite. I could show you a photo of each of them and tell you why they are my favorite.... and maybe I will.

I am in a love affair with my iPhone.

I love good recipes that are healthy and delish. 

I love that my white trash family thinks that when it rains you can go canoeing in the retention park. (We will all die of the same disease.)

I love that counting my blessings really does help.